Kissing is Dead in Post-Porn Era

Youporn and sexuality overload swamp all aspects of everyday life and dominate news and social media. We live in an era of publicly displayed intimacy and of people making a spectacle of their emotions. The good old private and sincere kiss seems threatened by extinction. French philosopher Alexandre Lacroix accused pornography of having committed murder on kissing in his last book Contribution à la théorie du baiser.


If the sexual act serves as a point, then the kiss is a comma. The kiss is a breathing space in the sentence of life. No one can say how long it should last and how long the break should be. A kiss can be short and stop immediately; it can be restarted just as easily. A kiss for its own sake and for the sake of love knows no time. That is quite unlike short, benefit-oriented kisses. The little kisses thrown in for the morning farewell and in the evening after working: These volatile, quick kisses are more like validating a bus ticket.

Kisses are a defining indication as to the state of a couple's relationship. If there is no love left in a kiss, then the alarm bells should be shrilling overtime. Alexandre Lacroix was making use of his personal experience for this assertion. It was his wife who complained about his failing passion in his kisses. Alexandre Lacroix did some soul searching and postulated: If the kiss as a ritual of intimacy wanes, then couples loose a very important reaffirmation of love and affection. And science showed in research: Sexual relationships between couples survive longer than their intimate kissing.

Kissing was made fashionable by the Hollywood movie industry. Famous kisses were a selling point for the movies. In Gone with the Wind, Clark Gable kissed Vivien Leigh in 1939. First, she didn't want to kiss, but there was no escape and she melted in his arms. This serves just as one example from a series of famous movie kisses mentioned by Alexandre Lacroix. Today, kisses no longer take center stage in movies because they have quite literally been murdered by pornography.

If the thought of caresses to the mouth disappear from our minds, then we are loosing a civilizing momentum in rough times. The author noted that today's men think more of getting their opposite into bed than of kissing her or him.

Hollywood kisses had a cultural impact far beyond Western culture. Hollywood movies brought kissing into countries and cultures that previously had no kissing tradition, e.g. Asia. Did kissing prosper in these cultures lacking the cultural context? Studies show: A Japanese wife can hope for half a kiss per day, her Korean counterpart only gets a quarter peck; China assimilated better where two and half kisses per day are up for grabs. The leader, will it surprise anyone, is France with seven kisses daily.

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