Christmas Steve Party

Normally, Santa Claus would send in his family photos to me for publication. Thanks to the NSA, he doesn't feel that is necessary anymore, as they are all on record in the White House already before they are shot. I had therefore to do some fast talking with the guys in black, and they leaked some photos of the Northpole Inc. office party to me. It was held by special invitation from Christmas Steve.

The office party at Northpole Inc. was a first. Employees and Santa Claus with family only attended because Christmas Steve had sent the invitation. You don't know who Christmas Steve is? You should watch more Penguins of Madagascar to keep ahead of things happening in the world. Christmas Steve is the code name of the head of the NSA as revealed by expert sources. As Mort put it so nicely, he is the guy who knows everything. And he is creepy.

Santa Claus is meanwhile relying entirely on the good services of the NSA to collect the data of the naughty list as they are more knowledgeable than God. It allowed him to channel employee resources from research into toy production. He is planning a whole new range of toys that will teach American children about what it means to live in a real democracy instead of in a thinly masked oligarchy.

The employees and the Santa Claus family accepted the invitation to focus the NSA's spying activity on its own employees while its sister company Southpole Inc. collected the data suppressed on the NSA's naughty list. Southpole Inc. is the headquarter of the penguin intelligence service. It collected the data on the real criminals for the naughty list: All government employees, congressmen, senators, governors, and above all spooks. In the eye of an organisation that works for no money to do all the work for Christmas, people who defraud taxpayers of their money to do no work at all are the pits of depravity.

If, therefore, you think that Santa Claus forgot to visit your house, that was most probably not the case. It is far more likely that someone in your household is a fraud, working for the government or for a company that cashes in with government approval while not doing any work for taxpayers. That list is rather long, from construction firms over incompetent teachers, from private prisons over office supply companies, to arms dealers and the catering companies that feed the rabble. With spooks and other crooks all around you, pointing your finger randomly has a high chance of hitting in the black on the naughty list.

Further reading
Santa Claus Undressed
Santa Claus Family Album
The Origins of Santa Claus

Cody Cummings

Tom Daley

Lucas Ridgestone